Cristina Explains It All
by Whatev3691
Summary: Cristina tells Derek, Meredith, and Rose what she really thinks of them in a way that only Cristina can. A funny one-shot to read if you were fed up with Derek, Meredith, and their relationship in the episodes following 4.11 minus the finale .


**Hey readers! This is my first Grey's Anatomy story. Let me say, I totally love MerDer, but sometimes the two drive me crazy! I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way, so I channeled my feelings about them through Cristina, who I could definitely see saying this stuff (I also think that she is like the Asian version of me). Maybe if someone had said all of this to MerDer earlier, we wouldn't have had to wait until the season finale to see them happy and back together. Also, I feel that Cristina's life pretty much sucks in season 4, with the arrogant absent Burke and bitchy Hahn and all, so she needs a chance to vent.**

**This occurs right in the middle of the "breakup scene" in 4.11. I know that the last thing I wrote in there occurred in 4.12, but just roll with it, this is a story after all.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Seriously!**

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Meredith and Derek were standing at teh end of a shadowy hallway a few feet apart from each other. He had asked her about her condition at the moment, but she coudln't get what George had told her off of her mind. Mustering up her courage, she looked at Derek and asked him one of the most painful things she had to say in a while.

"Who's Rose?"

Derek looked around and sighed, obviously not happy that Meredith had found out about his little rendezvous in the scrub room before he had told her.

"Um…Rose is a circulating nurse. I kissed her once. I'm sure you know that, that's why you're asking me," he replied in a defeated tone of voice.

"When?" she asked.

Slightly annoyed, Derek said, "When?"

"When did you kiss her?" Meredith obviously was losing patience with the conversation.

"Yesterday," Derek told her quickly. "Now, are we going to talk…"

Meredith interrupted him. "So, yesterday you were making out with scrub nurses, and today you're building our dream house." There was no question in her voice.

"Yesterday we were dating other people," Derek explained to her.

Indignantly, Meredith replied, "That's not the point."

"That is the point!" Just as Derek took a breath and was about to continue, an annoying feminine voice cut him off.

"Derek!"

It was Rose, walking down the hallway towards the tense couple and waving happily, apparently oblivious to the conflict in front of her. Suddenly, from down a side corridor, Cristina appeared and stood directly in her way. Seeing how Derek and Meredith were at the end of a hallway, they had little choice but to watch the scene unfold in front of them, rather than risk trying to walk past Cristina, whose face told them she was in no mood to play around.

"You! Stop right there!"

Rose, Derek, and Meredith all stared at the angry woman in front of them.

"Yeah, you! God, what the hell is your problem? Can't you see that they are in the middle of something?" Cristina asked her in an accusatory manner.

"Well, I just saw him and wanted to say…"

"Wanted to say what? 'Oh, Derek, you're so dreamy, you big strong neurosurgeon, take me right here!"

Rose's cheeks flushed red while the two other doctors stared incredulously. Meredith crossed her arms in front of her chest, clearly unhappy with the image Cristina's words put into her head.

"Well you know what Ms. Rose- wait, do you even have a last name? Shows how unimportant you are, you don't even have a surname! Anyway, I have some things to say to you!" Cristina entered onto a rant that could obviously be stopped by nothing less than the forces of nature...or her mother.

"Where do you get off trying to intrude into this relationship? Meredith and Derek have had so many problems in the past year, they could headline on Dr. Phil! But they're still trying to make it work."

"Didn't you say yourself that their relationship intimidated you? Who do you think you are, trying to butt in and cause even more problems for them?"

"You think you're so special because you know how to fix a computer. Big fricken deal! That obviously entitles you to make out with attendings in scrub rooms. NOT!"

Throughout the assault, Rose had been silently opening and closing her mouth, looking remarkably like a gasping fish, trying to get a word in edgewise but failing miserably, while other nurses and doctors around them, Meredith included, attempted to stifle their laughter and smiles.

"Seriously Rose, you've gotta back off. This whole thing is way out of your league, and your simple little nurse mind couldn't possibly comprehend the complications of the lives of Meredith and Derek, so just stop trying. And you know what ugly? Just because I'm a Korean Jew who grew up in Beverly Hills, does not mean that I can't kick your scrawny ass all the way back to computer science class. So what are you still doing here? Get back to your little nursing station and stay the hell away from my friend!"

Rose, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a car (and might I add a deer that Izzie would _not_ save), scrambled back to her fellow nurses with her proverbial tail between her legs. A few of the cheekier doctors even tried to start applauding, but one glare from Cristina quickly ended their attempts.

Still frozen in place, Meredith and Derek looked on in horror as Cristina rounded on them, eyes blazing and hair disheveled.

"Now you two!" she exclaimed. "What is wrong with both of you? Don't think you'll get out of this easily! I'm so sick of your moaning and crying about this relationship, I'm starting to get hives. You two are so goddamn in love, it makes us lonely people feel like miserable losers, and of course everyone but you two can see this!"

Pointing a long, cardio-thoracic surgeon finger at Derek, she began.

"First comes you Shepherd. I know you're technically my boss, but right now, you need to hear this."

"You're the biggest damn McIdiot I've ever seen!"

Derek was dumbstruck.

"Seriously! You know Meredith, who you love, has abandonment issues, commitment issues, family issues- pretty much every type of issue there is, she has- and once she finally makes progress and tells you she wants to be exclusive and take small steps, the next day you whip out plans for your fricken McDreamhouse! What kind of small step is that? That's a pretty damn huge step if you ask me, and then you get upset when she 'runs away'. Duh! Even girls who aren't as screwed up as Meredith- no offense Mer- would be taken aback a bit if their boyfriend…or 'not boyfriend' I guess…showed them house blueprints!"

Derek looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped after catching a glimpse of Meredith's saddened face. Cristina put her hands on her hips and continued.

"And of course, there's the genius move you pulled of kissing that whore nurse Rose! Come on Derek, its not like you weren't having sex almost every night with a woman you _actually_ care for, why did you have to stoop so low? I believe deep down, you're actually an OK guy, with generally good taste in women (Addison was really not so bad) but that kiss was seriously a huge, assholish McMistake, and using the excuse that 'You actually weren't dating Meredith' or 'I might not want to wait too long' is bullshit."

"You want a real relationship with Meredith, we all can see that. But kissing other stupid women and giving her threats about a time limit is not the way to go about things. You want to not breathe for her anymore and to be her 'knight in shining whatever'? Act like it! Give her a reason to trust you and not feel like she's going to be caught up in a whirlwind romance and then dropped on her ass."

A look of genuine concern flashed across Cristina's face for her friend who had been so obviously hurt, but it was soon replaced by rekindled fierceness.

"And finally we come to Meredith. My person. My person who drives me up the freaking wall!"

Meredith looked slightly surprised at being addressed- she had thought she would be able to avoid the warpath that Cristina was on, but it seemed that no one was safe from the attacks of the angry Asian.

"YOU are just as to blame for this mess of a relationship as McDreamy over there is! Look Mer, I know your life sucks, with the near-drowning, terrible childhood, dead parents, etc. In fact, you are probably the now-and-forever champion of 'Whose life sucks more?' But you know what? Have some perspective!"

"Take me for instance. I'm an emotional train wreck because of Burke, I haven't slept in two days, and Hahn won't let me even touch a scalpel- and you know that surgery always makes me feel better. Why do you think I'm acting like such a super PMS bitch? I've got problems, too."

At this, Meredith looked slightly guilty for always dumping her love-life problems on Cristina while paying less attention to her friend's issues. Cristina continued.

"You're always like 'boo-hoo dark and twisty me, Daddy never loved me, I can't let Derek love me, blah, blah, blah'. Think for a second! Where did leaving you get your dear old dad? This is what it got him- two dead wives and a Scotch bottle for a companion. Now who exactly got the short end of the stick here?"

While Meredith contemplated this new insight into her relationship with her father, Cristina took a deep breath, and said, "So basically, what I'm trying to say here is- you two just need to compromise."

"Derek, I know you want the McMarriage, and McHouse, and McKids, but right now, Meredith doesn't, and you need to accept that. Give her time, and if you, scratch that, I mean since you, really love her, you can wait."

"Meredith, you need to get over yourself and understand that Derek does want all of that happy ending stuff and more, and you can warm up to that idea while fixing all of the problems in your messed up life."

Cristina looked back and forth between the two of them, both looking equally shameful and embarrassed, and relaxed her shoulders with a relieved face.

"Well I certainly feel better after getting all of that off my chest. Don't you two feel better? I swear this talking thing really helps. You two should maybe take a break from all the sex and try it some time."

At this, Meredith turned pink, and even Derek looked away- neither of them was sure they wanted to have their not-relationship out in the open for the whole hospital to know about. But after a second, they both realized that they were talking about _their_ relationship, and they were in Seattle Grace Hospital, land of rumors and gossip, so it would be odd if everyone didn't already know about their love lives, or lack of them.

"Yeah…well, I'm off to Joe's. I seriously need a drink. Later, Mer."

And with that, Cristina Yang had left the building, leaving Derek and Meredith to stare awkwardly at each other in the hallway. Dr. Yang's words had left her thinking, _Maybe I should go to therapy...I heard the hospital's Dr. Wyatt is good_. After a few moments on this train of thought, the blonde resident shook it out of her head and broke the silence.

"So, yeah…that's Cristina for you."

Derek nodded. "Your person."

Meredith cracked a small smile looked up at him. "My person."

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Later that night after her shift, Meredith came home and slipped into her bed, already half-occupied by Cristina. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she heard her friend's voice in the darkness.

"Sooooo, seriously, can I have the sparkle pager?"

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

**Hope you enjoyed it! If you have time, just a little review would be nice. Thank you! :)**


End file.
